Thursday, May 5, 2011

getting unmarried





This morning as I was mowing the lawn I was thinking about how divorce is just so not fun. I wrote down some of my thoughts and shared them with my sister and sister-in-law just to get it off my chest. My sister wrote me back and encouraged me to share it here too. She said you never know who may need to read it. So here it is world. This is me. This is what I'm going through, these are what my struggles are. This is what my world looks like right now. I try to look for the positive in everything, like the smell of the freshly cut grass and the warm sun as I was mowing the lawn, but sometimes, it just helps to admit that this whole thing is just hard. Really hard. I hope there is someone out there who will benefit from reading this because then it will make it all seem a little easier to bear.




Getting unmarried is significantly less fun, and more expensive, than getting married.


Instead of falling deeper in love, your heart is getting broken into a million little pieces.

Instead of planning a wedding, you try to figure out the logistics of the divorce.

Instead of having bridal showers you go over affidavits.

Instead of receiving gifts, you divide up everything you have.

Instead of dreaming of what you will name your future kids, you agonize over how to minimize the trauma of the divorce on your children.

Instead of wedding cake, you have more fast food than you care to admit.

Instead of wedding invitations you have court dates.

Instead of picking a wedding date, you wonder how long it will take to get divorced, and when you will ever get some closure.

Instead of going to the temple and showing your recommend at the front desk, you go to the court house and go through the metal detector.

Instead of a wedding planner you have therapists and attorneys.

Instead of a honeymoon, you have lonely days without your children.

Instead of wedding flowers you have bills.

Instead of marriage prep classes, you have divorce education classes.

And, instead of feeling the happiest you have ever felt in your life, you feel sad, and lonely, and depressed.




P.S. I am not really sad and lonely and depressed all the time, but I definitely have my moments.

27 comments:

  1. awesome! thanks for sharing!

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  2. Rebecca, I have been thinking alot about you lately. I've been a horrible friend and haven't talked to you in so long! We just had baby #6 last saturday and it reminded me of using your baby name book back in Texas(especially since we still don't have a name...) and of your lovely photography(looking at the blownup foot picture right now) but mainly of your sweet personality and friendship. Just today Shem said,"remember when we used to live down the street from sister Walters?" So this is all rambling, but just wanted to let you know that your in my thoughts and prayers and we miss you and your sweet little ones! C'mon, Talmage is really a triplet:)

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  3. I'm so sorry, Rebecca. You are very strong, and such a great mom. Your kids are lucky to have you!

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  4. I had no idea, Rebecca, and my heart breaks for you and your situation. I have always looked up to you (and still do!) and my prayers will be with you and your children. (hugs)

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  5. I've been thinking of you a lot lately, Rebecca...so sorry. Praying for you and your kiddos.

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  6. I am really sorry to hear that you are having such a struggle right now. But I am proud that you're so strong for your children and they will look back and know that their Mom was right there, loving them and taking care of them when her own world got really hard to live in. I'll be praying for your family.

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  7. Instead of eternal struggle, you can move towards eternity. Rebecca, this too shall pass & when it does, you will be stronger and wiser. The gospel & eternity is what you want in the long run. Kids will fall, but they will heal. When you can make changes that will improve your families life, you are sacrificing what you want now for what you want most. It will get better & it will be worth it. Keeping you & your babies in our prayers.

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  8. Already sent you an email but you know I love you and hate that you have had to go through such difficult things. You are amazing!

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  9. Rebecca, My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry. I'll keep you and your sweet children in my prayers.

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  10. Rebecca, I stumbled across your blog today. It's been a while since I've seen it. I always love looking at your beautiful pictures and reading your posts. You are inspiring. But I had no idea that this was going on in your life. I don't know any details about your situation, but please know that my heart is with you. Hang in there.

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  11. Rebecca, It breaks my heart that your family must go through this but I admire your courage and resolve in moving forward and choosing happiness. I'm glad to see you back blogging and of course you will stay in our prayers.

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  12. Keep your head up Rebecca. You are such a nice, sweet person. Don't ever change that. P.S. your kids are adorable - i can't believe how big Talmage is already!

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  13. My heart is broken for you. I'm so sorry. I don't want to pretend that I know what you're going though because I'm sure that would annoy you, but I know that the Atonement is amazing and it can take away the most intense hurt. You and your babes will be in my prayers. I love you and miss you. You are an amazing person. As soon as I met you on your first Sunday in Coppell, I loved you. Your happiness, your attitude, your smile, your openness, your strength. I'm so impressed by you.

    Love love love.

    P.S. I'm going to be in UT in August, I would LOVE to see you and your babes!

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  14. I think of and pray for you often Rebecca. I appreciate that you acknowledge both the good and the bad here. This post will inspire prayers up on prayers and the Lord will comfort you, I know He will.

    I'm hoping to visit Utah for a few days this summer and maybe we can make something work. I don't read often but I love your posts when you do. Much love!

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  15. Oh, Rebecca, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. You are such an amazing person with such a strong spirit. We will definitely pray for you to have the strength to make it through this.

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  16. I love you, sweet friend. I'm sorry we couldn't get together this past week when you were in UT county, but we will find another time. I think about you so often and admire you so much. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

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  17. But what you do have with you always is the Lord, he will never let you down. Thanks for sharing, love you!

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  18. Sending you some "Texas size" love & hugs. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  19. It was so great to see you at the wedding. I always go away happy after spending time with you. I forget you are blogging again and just read this...heartbreaking! You are an amazing mother, friend, sister, and of course cousin. Love you!

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  20. Rebecca you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. You are amazing!!!

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  21. I am so sorry. You are being held in my heart and prayers. I love you dear friend. You are the most amazing person I have ever met in my life. Just remember without those cracks the light wouldn't be able to shine through, Thanks for sharing your light today!

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  22. You are brave and strong and faithful. You are always my cousin no matter what, and I love you and your kiddos. I'm glad you're in my life and I pray that you will continue to find strength, love and hope.

    xoxoxoxoxo
    Amber

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  23. Rebecca, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know you are a VERY strong person and will get through this. I will be thinking of you! Hang in there and there will be blue ski again for you!

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  24. I don't know what you are going through. I know you have strong faith and will lean on that and your close friends and family during both the hard times and the happy times. There will be LOTS of happiness to come, probably more now. :) Take care and continue being the awesome woman, mother, and daughter of God that you are. Stay strong. Hugs!

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  25. I hope you are ok.
    Sorry to hear!

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  26. Poetic, yes, even though the topic is not a happy one, it's poetic. It truly captures the process.
    Someone once told me, as I was also getting un-married (I like that term), "Divorce takes all the good from the relationship, and leaves all the bad." I think that's why it's so darn hard on everyone. But as another poster said... You're moving on to eternity, rather than the eternal struggle. It's still a struggle but instead of being yoked to the ox that's not moving, you just have to say hi once in a while. :) You're free to keep on moving forward.

    -D.N.M (Utah to Kansas pen-pals forever!)

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