I've had this audio book sitting on my playlist for months, but I had just never gotten around to listening to it. When I finally pushed play a few weeks ago I found myself laughing and crying as I listened to Stacy give words to so many feelings I had experienced but yet had been at a loss for how to explain, to myself, much less to others. In one part of her book, the author describes how even after all the hard things that had happened between her and her ex-husband during their divorce, they both walked their little boy Zach to his first day of kindergarten, together. After pictures had been snapped and their little boy was off to school she gave her ex-husband a hi-five and said to him, "Good for us!" That really touched a nerve for me. The first day of kindergarten for my little boy was just days away. Many times during the divorce I had thought to myself, "But this isn't what I wanted for my kids!" I wanted my kids to grow up with parents who were happily married. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go in my version of my life.
And then I had this crazy thought, I wanted my children to have both of their parents take them to their first day of school. I wanted them to look out into the bleachers from whatever sport they were playing or into the audience of whatever they were involved in and see their mom and their dad. Sure, their dad would come up for the big occasions, but I knew that living closer to their dad would make it that much easier for them to get the full support of both of their parents.
So, I decided to move. And on Tuesday, Sydney and Talmage had their second, first day of school this year. And do you know what? Both of their parents were there to take them. And although I didn't give Tyler a hi-five and say "Good for us!" after Sydney and Talmage were settled in their classrooms, that's what I was thinking. Good for us for figuring out a way to give our kids two parents whose hands they could hold on the way to their first day of school. Good for us.
Listening to this book was like going through a year of therapy in a way...I realized I had covered up a lot of pain and hurt with other emotions and distractions. I have now been able to confront my sadness in a way I hadn't been able to before. It was, and is hard, but, it's also ultimately better too.
I am grateful that the author recorded her journey so I could learn from her insights and perspectives. I look forward to having a hard copy of this book so I can go through it and underline my favorite parts and refer to them when I need to feel understood. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who has gone through or who is going through a divorce.
At this point, I don't know if I'm still in one piece, but I do know that I can be put back together again.