Sunday, February 19, 2012

somewhere to go & someone to talk to

I recently posted a link to an article on my Facebook page about things to avoid saying to divorced moms. There were a bunch of comments and I'm afraid the impression I gave was that people need to walk on eggshells with us single mamas. Although there are some things that sting that people have told me, I think after the road I have traveled, and others in my situation, it's fair to say that I've got pretty thick skin. I was thinking about how it is hard to know what to do or say for people who are going through hard things that we ourselves haven't experienced and we feel at a loss as to how to extend a helping hand. I know I felt that way today at church when I saw a friend who had recently lost the baby she was carrying and nearly died herself. She had been barraged with people asking how she was and yet still I asked the same question everyone else asked... "How are you?" ...and I wished I had something better to say.

The other day a friend of mine said to me that I was welcome at their home anytime if I ever wanted to just hang out. That really meant a lot to me. Somewhere to go. That meant if I was feeling lonely I had somewhere to go.

I have also been blessed with very non-judgemental friends who are willing to listen and listen. These special friends probably wish they could shake me sometimes or tell me to just forget about it and move on. But they have extended to me patience and respect for where I am in my journey through divorce-land. They have been there when I needed to talk, even when things in their own lives were less than perfect.

So, what could you say or do for someone who is divorced? I think two of the most compassionate things you could say are that they are welcome in your home any time and that you are there for them if they ever want to talk.

Maybe they won't come over. Maybe they won't call. But I assure you that if they are anything like me, just extending that offer is something that will bring that person a lot of peace and comfort.

8 comments:

  1. Rebecca! I love and miss you. I wished we lived closer and could be in each other's lives. You are amazing, and I would love to sit and chat about everything. One of these days...Meanwhile, know that I love reading your posts, and seeing the incredible things you do. If New York ever calls your name...let me know.

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  2. I think your post is a really good thing to remind people--the best help you can give any friend in hard times is not a bunch of advice or platitudes, but a safe place to land.

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  3. Rebecca- I actually really liked your post/link about things to say and not to say. I've had lots of friends (unfortunately) go through a lot of rough things in life from death of a spouse, to infertility problems, to death of a child/infant, to loss of testimony and faith in God. I always struggle with "the right thing to say" and I'm sure even the people going through the bad situations struggle with "the right thing to say" back to everyone :). My mother struggled a lot with her testimony a few years ago when her father died and she told me later that the best thing anyone said was that they were there for her and that she could unload on them whenever she wanted to. I think you are amazing, and I am in awe of you and your example of endurance and patience and long suffering. Even though you've been through so much every time I look at your blog or read your facebook posts you are always so positive and optimistic. Thanks for being such a wonderful example to all of us and especially to your children. You are more than welcome to talk or come over (if you're ever in Springville :)!!) and I will just listen. I always heard such great stories about you in the mission and wished I could've served with you :). Keep it up hermana :)!

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  4. Thank you so much heather and aubree and Katherine! Actually I am in Springville quite often because that's where Tyler lives and I bring the kids down. Let's get together!

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  5. Rebecca, you are an amazing woman. Strong. Beautiful. Sincere. Talented. Thank you for your example. :)

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  6. Beautifully written...you are welcome in Idaho anytime. It would be lots of fun. Thanks for chatting with me too..you are always a great listening ear for others as well. XOXO

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  7. You are loved! I may be in another country but only a phone call away. Love to your family!

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  8. If/when you come yo NYC, you better come over and talk. Love you!

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