What I Miss Most

Tonight Talmage drifted off into dreamland with his little hand wrapped around my thumb. He wasn't feeling well, so I laid by his side to comfort him while he was falling asleep.

I love watching my children sleep. It is so calming to me.

My breathing slows, my mind stops racing, and I am just absorbed in the moment watching the perfect little person in front of me breathe in, and out.

Somehow, watching Sydney and Talmage sleep erases all the troubles from the day and suddenly it seems that all is right in the world.

It grounds me.

But when Sydney and Talmage are not with me at night, it is pure torture to walk past their rooms, and look at their empty beds. Something inside of me aches. Something inside of me screams this isn't the way I want it to be for them. I want them to know where they are laying their head every night, and never have to wake up in the middle of the night and try to remember which house they are in.

It kills me.

But, I know they will be ok.

And so will I.

But when they are here sleeping, I have a new appreciation for just their mere presence. I can feel not only their presence as they are dreaming, but the presence of all their guardian angels.

And then I know once again, that they really will be ok, because those angels follow them wherever they go.